.: Tear Off My Skin:.

Mon, 27 Oct 2003 21:16:10 GMT

"im serious!. you're not one of those stupid girls who care about irrelevant things in life, you're unique, and a good person, only intelligent people are like that. stupid people are just pricks and assholes who only care about what people have to say about them."

I lub you Leo <3

Mon, 27 Oct 2003 20:38:27 GMT

Mon looks like she wants to kill me

Me with pencil up me nose

Anna and Debbie

my very first oil painting?blah =/

Aww Julia <3

Me & Julia

Julia wearing the shirt I got her =]

Hilda licking me =O oh baby

Cheung?s tummie haha

Cole!

Mon, 27 Oct 2003 20:18:51 GMT

HAPPY BIRFDAY ERIKA!!!!!

x0x

Favorite Pix of Erika....

*Purrrow*

hahaha

Erika & Me <3

ohh good times, good times...

[Happy birfday to youuuuuuuu.....]

Mon, 27 Oct 2003 16:54:02 GMT

HAPPY BIRFDAY ERICA!!!!!!
ME LOVES YOU! <3 <3 <3 <3

[if i was at home i'd post a pic of us... I'll do it after school]

[In class]

Mon, 27 Oct 2003 16:42:06 GMT

Today I thought would be shitty [during school anyways] And it's really not so far. First period teacher shows me my mark so far...100%!
He said he made a mistake somewhere but it's not that far off. Made me happy =]
Second period I kinda just left the room half way through and sat with Dylan and Josh in the caf. Barman comes on the PA and it's so damn loud and then Dylan screams "FUCK YOU!"
Hahaha... so great!

Now I'm supposed to be doing work that's due @ the end of class so I should really get on that.
After this class I get to give Julia her gift =D
weeee!
The day is going by pretty fast =]
I like these days.

Yesterday we had a good talk. That's all I really have time to say...

[Toodles]

Oh yea, tomorrow I get to update in nerdy_chipmunk again! =D

[My head is caving in and I don't know what to think anymore]

Mon, 27 Oct 2003 01:57:29 GMT

Apart of me does want you to lie to me and tell me you're not falling in love with me.
Because I don't think I can handel that.

[So I guess this is the ending or a beautiful mistake]

Mon, 27 Oct 2003 00:39:51 GMT

What can I say? I'll bite my tongue again today. What can I do when I feel so stupid over you? I wish they'd just go ahead and cut it off. And, I don't wanna work anymore cause sometimes I just can't ignore the way I feel when I see you smile. And someday I'll just shut my eyes and maybe then you'll realize... I'm just a fucking geek in love with you. When's the right time to use a stupid pick up line? "So how's the weather? Do you wanna spend the night together?" I know that you are just a girl but in my eyes you rule the world. I just thought I'd let you know... you're my best friend and that's ok, but I wanna see you night and day, and wake up holding you right by my side. I've said my peace so now I'll run and hide... I'd bring you candy and flowers, sit by the phone for hours... sing a song outside your window just if you would let me know. No more waking up lonely, will you be my one and only? Please let me know right now cause I'm not gonna live forever.

This song is so cute it hurts.

1] WHAT IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME?
Faith

2] WHAT KIND OF PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?
Jeans

3] WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Oldies

4] WHAT ARE THE LAST 4 DIGITS OF YOUR PHONE NUMBER?
7430

5] WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
carrotts

6] IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
red

7] HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW?
raining

8] LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Brad

9] THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OTHER SEX?
eyes/smile

10] DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS?
Stole it from Hilda, and yes I love her

11] HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
a little bit of this a little bit of that

12] FAVORITE DRINK?
peach juice/iced tea/jones soda/water?

13] FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
Liquid cocaine [tastes like cinnimon hearts]

14] FAVORITE SPORTS?
Hockey

15] HAIR COLOR?
Brown

16] EYE COLOR?
Brown

17] DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
yes

18] SIBLINGS AND THEIR AGES?
Brother - 13

19] FAVORITE MONTH?
October

20] FAVORITE FOOD?
Italian and Thai

21] LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
this movie last night with my cousin.. I forget what it?s called. Some Sappy somewhat funny chick flick

22] FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
October 31st

23] ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
no

24] DO YOU LIKE SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING MOVIES BETTER?
scary movies

25] SUMMER OR WINTER?
Fall

26] HUGS OR KISSES?
hugs from behind and lots of kisses <3

28] CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
Vanilla

29] WHO IS MOST LIKELY NOT GOING TO COMMENT ON THIS?
people who don't like surveys

30] WHO IS LIKELY TO COMMENT ON THIS?
people who like surveys

31] WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING?
right now? Jitter Bug Perfume

32] WHAT'S ON YOUR SCREEN SAVER (Also DESKTOP)?
Screen saver is Lenore, and Desktop is a character from Rex The Runt

33] FAVORITE BOARD GAME?
hungry hippos

34] WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT?
?worked
?went to my cousin?s house to have cake for his birthday
?met up with mezmo and atraceofdream for a bit
? went to go watch a movie with my cousin Lena
?went to get something to eat
?got Tofutti
?ate it while watching Pulp Fiction
?stayed up for a few more hours in bed talking with Lena about ?stuff?

35] FAVORITE SMELLS?
Lilly of the Valley

36] WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
?I?m just gonna ?rest? my eyes for three more minutes.?

37] FAVORITE ALBUM TITLE? (JUST THE TITLE, REGARDLESS OF THE MUSIC)
that?s a great question! I?ll have to think about it?

38] EVER BREAK SOMEONE'S HEART?
Not intentionally

39] DO YOU SMOKE? IF YES, PLEASE ELABORATE:
Nope, never even tried

40] WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY?
always assuming the worst

41] WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY?
being a weirdo

42] HAVE ANY NICKNAMES?
Mair [a lot call me that] , Lady [mostly Mon] , Catt [my Nonna] , Mara [ My zio Sammy] , nerdy chipmunk [Cam] , Airam [Robbie] I fink that?s it?

43] WHEN DID YOU LAST "GET SOME?"
define ?get some?

44] ARE YOU HAPPY?
I can be

45] ARE YOU HORNY?
oh baby

46] WHAT CAN YOU SAY ABOUT THE PERSON THAT SENT YOU THIS?
Again, I stole it. But I love you Hilda

49] ARE YOU A FAG?
?

50] WHO'S THE LAST PERSON YOU SAID I LOVE YOU TO?
?Family ? My Mum
?Friends- Monica
?other- Corey

51] WHAT'S ONE WORD THAT COMES TO MIND?
Dingleberry

** basics **

Name:: Maria
Nickname:: nerdy_chipmunk
Location:: RH
Gender:: Female
Birthplace:: Toronto
Birthstone:: Rubby
Birthday:: January 24th
Sign:: Aquarious
Righty or Lefty:: right
Screenname:: ON AOL = JustNumbsThePain on MSN = right now it?s Your Arms in mine, anytime.

** your looks **

Height:: 5'3-5'4ish
Weight:: last time I checked about 110
Shoe size:: 6/7
Hair Color:: brown
Hair Length:: long
Eye Color:: brown
Glasses:: yep
Braces:: no
Piercings:: Nose ring, Tongue, Nevel, and 0g lobes
Tattoos:: Just one at the moment

** fashion **

Where do you shop:: Anywhere? Black Market, Value Village
What do you usually wear:: There?s nothing usual, always different?some days hoodies, some days skirts, some days a tutu etc?
What kind of shoes do you wear:: My chucks which are so worn out, my boots which I love <3
Do you wear a watch:: yes
Color you never wear:: Neon green
Color you wear at least once a week:: Black, red?
Something you wear everyday:: hemp braceletts
Do you wear make up everyday:: no
Make up essential:: lip gloss
Most cherished piece of clothing:: my tutu?not really? couldn?t think of anything else?
You wouldn't be caught dead wearing:: fur
Do you wear belts:: yeah
Do you wear hats:: nope
How many pairs of shoes do you have:: 4 or 5

** music **

Favorite kind of music:: Oh a bunch!
Least Favorite:: not sure?
How many CD's do you have:: stacks upon stacks
Last CD you bought:: Punk o Ramma 8
Whats in your CD player right now:: The Doors
Do you download music:: Haven?t in a long while

** Favorites **

Color:: Red/black
Number:: 13
Season:: Fall
Ice cream:: Toufoutti
Website:: http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/
Quote:: ?my skin is singed but it heals my heart and with glowing pride i'll wear my scars? Not my fav but certinall up there.
Store:: Black Market/Value Village
Band:: Don?t have a fav
Singer:: don?t have a fav
Rapper:: ill Mitch!!!!!! hahahhahaha
Group:: don?t have a fav
Song:: don?t have a fav
Movie:: Harold and Maude
Actor:: Edward Norten
Actress:: Angelina Joli
Kind of movies:: I like a mixture
Place to be:: with someone I love or on my own in a place I love
Time of day:: Night
Clothing Brand:: Not really the ?brand? type person
Animal:: all
Food:: Italian and Thai
Holiday:: Halloween
Shape:: Stars
Restaraunt:: Java
Fast food place:: umm? Timmy?s has a drive through, so does that count?
Boy's name:: Noah [not sure tho]
Girl's name:: Moon-Unit
Word:: meeps
Month:: October
Candy:: Pixi sticks
** love and relationships **

Sexual Preference:: bi
Boyfriend or Girlfriend:: no
Crush:: I did?well I do and I?m trying my hardest to take my heart out of it, and yea ? it?s hard.
Do you believe in love at first sight:: I?m really iffy on that one
What do you look for in a guy/girl:: Someone like me, someone who loves the little things, someone who will dance with me in random places and make HUGE idiots out of ourselves, someone who can make me smile till my face hurts, someone who will sing me songs, someone who will love me and except me for me, someone who can be themsleevs around me, someone who I can trust and can trust me with their deepest secrets, Someone who will come out and throw apples at random people with me [haha]
Someone I can go to a show with and will be right there in the pit with me, someone who ?s up for anything?.I donno? I?m alone because of these reasons.
Best physical feature:: eyes
Best hair color:: depends on person
Best eye color:: depends on person

** randoms **

Do you paint your nails:: Red =]
What color is your tooth brush:: Pink with Blues Clues
What's on your desktop:: Character from Rex The Runt
Do you like roller coasters:: YES
Do you do drugs:: nope
Are you a virgin:: nope
Do you have any pets:: no =[
What time do you go to sleep:: whever I get sleepy

[autumn's flame dances in my eyes]

Sun, 26 Oct 2003 23:29:21 GMT

Me and Joey?.sad thing was I was also on my tippy toes

Lena and I laughing at my aunt making us hold the flowers

I?m still on the tippies

Nonna & Nonna <3

Mmmm? cake?

Mmmm?.

All gone =[

Parking lot in Brampton?

[I'll fake it through the day]

Wed, 22 Oct 2003 21:13:01 GMT

Two tickets torn in half
And a lot of nothin' to do
You had plans for both of us
That involved a trip out of town
To a place I've seen in a magazine
That you'd left lyin' around
I don't have you with me
But I keep a good attitude
I know you'd rather see me gone
Than to see me the way that I am
But I am in your life any way
To vanish into oblivion
It's easy to do
And I tried to leave but you know me
~~I come back when you want me to.~~
Do you miss me, Miss Misery
Like you say you do

Wellp, I'm off to work in a few... joy...
Wow I feel so shitty. This really sucks.
I'm gonna make a cup of French Vanilla to take with me on the treck to work.
And I'll listen to all the songs that make me think of you...
Which is most.
You've got me hooked mr crazy pants.
And I hate you for it.
I was never supposed to fall for you.
<3

[My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me, so won't you kill me? So I die happy]

Wed, 22 Oct 2003 20:52:49 GMT

Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS
Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKSToday SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKSToday SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS Today SUCKS!!!!
Tomorrow's gonna SUCK Tomorrow's gonna SUCK Tomorrow's gonna SUCK Tomorrow's gonna SUCK Tomorrow's gonna SUCK Tomorrow's gonna SUCK Tomorrow's gonna SUCK Tomorrow's gonna SUCK Tomorrow's gonna SUCK Tomorrow's gonna SUCKTomorrow's gonna SUCK Tomorrow's gonna SUCK Tomorrow's gonna SUCK Tomorrow's gonna SUCK Tomorrow's gonna SUCKTomorrow's gonna SUCK Tomorrow's gonna SUCK Tomorrow's gonna SUCK Tomorrow's gonna SUCK Tomorrow's gonna SUCK!!!!

Friday should be good =]

[aw so nice]

Wed, 22 Oct 2003 19:56:00 GMT

"well common, the only problem with those guys is that they see your outward beauty and thats all they go for, you need to find someone who looks for what is inside, because even though you are gorgeous, you are an amazing person...
you didnt even know me, and you were so nice to me the first like week or so of philosophy"

You give me too much credit RP
But thank you! You're such an awesome friend =]

Ps: I'm still trying to get you an lj code.

[oops almost forgot...]

Wed, 22 Oct 2003 19:34:11 GMT

And they also showed stuff about FRAGGLE ROCK!!!!! <3

Member them?!
One of my most all time favorite shows.

Boober was always my favorite.

[Round here they're carving out our names]

Wed, 22 Oct 2003 19:33:30 GMT

Food doesn't seem to be my friend anymore =[
I fink I might have got sick off that bread I ate with my tofu dip yesterday.
Mmmm....tofu dip <3
My email is being very slow and very annoying. >=/
I was extremely pleased that people liked my last post.
It took a lot to do it.
I was putting it off for so long... it's safe to say summer is gone and everything was taken from me and turned into memories.
Some that will last me a life time and others I would like to put in a box and away from me.
Something's just don't work out. But we gave it our all. And that's what matters.

So I woke up pretty early and threw up =/
Yay me.
Finally fell back to sleep then my mom's going insano on me telling me to wake up.

"I start at 11:15!!! It's 7:40!!!! Friggen hell!"
"ohh...yea... I forgot...oops."

Guess who didn't go back to sleep. That would be I.
I made my way down stairs and watched I Love The 80s and Reunion 90210
It kept me happy.
On I love the 80s it showed all the nerds and there was my husband in the list.

[one on the far right]
Ohh how I love you Simon <3

And of course they showed the hunks of the 80s ...

1984 Outsiders with Matt Dillon <3

Annndddd....

1989 Johnny Depp

Anyhow... I'm trying my best to get all better before work @ 6....

Lamb Of God show a week today <3
*gets excited*

[ Summer Review ]

Wed, 22 Oct 2003 00:29:05 GMT

My Summer

Summer was when my backpack was still yellow

Summer was full of painting my Grandparents house

Summer was drving around with Ano and Daniel

Summer was surprizing Monka at work...

Summer was a Jays Game

Summer was Sull the Skull

Summer was smiles and kisses

Summer was animals <3

Summer was UFO swings

Summer was Canada Day fun

Summer was rolling around

Summer was fireworks

Summer was adorable Doggies

Summer was Wasaga

Summer was spending time with Julia

Summer was nose picking

Summer was lesbian 3somes...haha...

Summer was Java

Summer was holding hands with my lovely lesbian lover <3

Summer was adventures with Monica and her sister

Summer was the beach

Summer was spraying

Summer was skateboarding

Summer was bum grabbing

Summer was sitting around

Summer was the subway

Summer was love

Summer was a boat

Summer was old drunk people dancing on boat

Summer was beautiful sunsets...

Summer was jube jube fights

Summer was groping James =P

Summer was cool looking pix

Summer was beauty

Summer was camping

Summer was tears, sorrow, loss, and broken hearts...

Summer has made me a stronger person.

Fin.

[thanks for pullin' off the stiches]

Tue, 21 Oct 2003 03:52:02 GMT

So you walk back into my life almost an exact year later...to what? Open old wounds?

GreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreatGreat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-----------------------------
-------
-----------------------------
Ike:
haha thats only like a year old darling lol
speakin of which i still have that screamer pass...

Me:
me too...

Ike:
its in the desk thingy next to me

Me:
mine's in me room. I found it last week while i was cleaning...

Ike:
i've always had it in this drawer i just didn't wanna throw it away.. actually i didn't toss anything most of its in a box in my room...
me mommy found a bunch of shit and tossed alot of my stuff which wasn't kool so i was like alrite in u go..

Me:
I have to put it in a box too...yea i still have that book you made me.

Ike:
i still have the other copy.,... few ppl stole it and read it.. they loved it but they didn't knwo the truth behind it...

Me:
I guess we're the only ones

Ike:
yes we do, and the truth hasn't died

Me:
...think it ever will?

Ike:
i don't know gurl i hope not, i care alot for u still even after a year of somewhat quietness...

Me:
yea it really has been a year

Ike:
it went by quick...

Me:
yea it really did...

Ike:
wll that's good... even through the end wasn't too good...

Me:
i agree

Ike:
i'm sorry...

Me:
Lets not go there.

-----------------------------
-------
-----------------------------
Lets not go there ever again.
I don't know what to say...

[Let the world spin outside our door, you're the only one that I wanna see]

Tue, 21 Oct 2003 02:09:05 GMT

-[ basic ]-
first name: Maria-Assunta
middle name: Faith
last name: D?Orazio
nicknames: Mair, lady, some others..
gender: Female
age: 3!!! Yea I wish
birthday: January 24th
height: 5'3"/5?4?ish
hair colour: Brown
eye colour: dark brown
do you wear glasses or contacts: both
do you have braces: no
is your hair long or short: long
where were you born: Toronto
current location: Richmond Hill
zodiac sign: Aquarius
how many languages do you know: English, Italian, most Spanish, and basic french
bad habits: assuming the worst
piercings you have: 5, nose, tongue, navel, and 0g lobes
piercings you want: a couple more I suppose..
tattoos you have: one at the moment
tattoos you want: oh boy...too many
-[ pets ]-
do you have any pets: nope =[
what are their names: ...

-[ school ]-
are you still in school: yea
did you drop out: no
favourite grade: probably Kindergarden or grade 6
least favourite grade: hah.. many
favourite teacher: Mr. Candy
least favourite teacher: many of them
favourite subject: Art, english
least favourite subject: Math, science
do/did you buy lunch or bring it: both
play any sports on the school's team: with the school, no
do/did you do any extracurricular activities: School play?
are/were you popular: In grade 9 I was lol...
favourite memory: Prolly slamming the locker on Dave?s head. Hahaha... nah it?s not my FAVORITE, but it?s up there alright.

-[ favourites ]-
number: 13
clothing brand: I donno..
shoes: my chucks, and my boots <3
tv show: Gilmore Girls, Family Guy, Simpsons, and others...
vegetable: Red Pepers
fruit: Peaches
movie: Harold and Maude
magazine: Chronicles of Chaos! Haahaha.. Umm... not sure.. it was BW&BK for a while
actor: I think Edward Norten is great
actress: Angelina Jolie
candy: PIXIE STICKS!
gum: I donno...
scent: Lily of the valley
candy bar: Coffee Chrisp
ice cream flavour: Vanilla...cookies and cream is good stuff too
colour: red, black
season: Fall
holiday: Halloween
type of music: I like a bunch of different kinds
thing in your room: prolly my bed.. ha.. I donno...
place to be: with the people I care about
radio station: I don't listen to the radio other than at work
overall food: good food
fast food: I don't like fast food much
shape: Stars
time of day: night time
country: Africa looks neat to visit....I loved England though
state: pffff US.. no thanks...hahaha
boys name: Noah [not sure tho]
girls name: MOON-UNIT!
mall: what about it?
shampoo: whatever
board game: Kids Monopoly, Life..

-[ whats the first thing that comes to mind when you hear ]-
dog: puppy!
hot: sun
orange: kite
black: heart
rainbow: brite
cherry: nonno?s cherry tree
cucumber: cream cheese
shark: sharp teeth
bat: summer nights
leather: dead cow L
whip: cream
america: corruption
water: home
volcano: BAM! Haha I donno...

-[ this or that ]-
shakira or britney: no thanks
icp or eminem: icp I guess
kittie or garbage: Garbage
mtv or vh1: VH1 has better shows (I love the 80s/70s, and all that jazz)
buffy or angel: neither
dawson's creek or gilmore girls: GILMORE GIRLS!!!!
football or basketball: Hockey
black or white: mix them both and make gray
orange or red: red
yellow or green: yellow
purple or pink: both <3
hot topic or pac sun: I donno Hot Topic I suppose
inside or outside: both
weed or alcohol: neither
tattoos or piercings: both
prep or punk: this is a stupid question
slut or whore: whore.. they make more $ haha

-[ private life ]-
do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend: no
do you have a crush: maybe....
do you love anyone right now: I used to
how many people broke your heart: hah.. yea.. more than I would have liked.
do you go by looks or personality: both
so moving along..do you smoke: fuck no
do you smoke weed: fuck no
beer good or beer bad: no thanks
are you the sissy who drinks wine coolers: no, I am a sissy who doesn't drink at all.. well I haven?t in a long time. I just have no desire to. I don?t need to drink to have fun.

-[ would you ever ]-
bungee jump: yes
sky dive: yes
swim with dolphins: yes
scuba dive: nope =[ scared of fish
go rock climbing: yes
eat shit for $1,000,000: depends who's it was.Hahaha.. and no
steal a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend: That?s a stupid question, and if you answer yes remind me to kick you in the face. kthxdie
lie to the police: never was put in that position..
run from the police: same answer as above
lie to your parents: =/ yea I feel horrible when I do
walk up to a stranger and kiss them: if it was a double dare haha
be an exotic dancer: nope
walk out of a restaurant without paying: I am not that ignorant. Water/waitress would have to pay the tab... People can be idiots.

-[ what did you do ]-
last birthday: nothing...well Julia came over and we watched Harold and Maude
last weekend: Hung out with Brad, and went to a Hard Core show
christmas: whole bunch of family stuff
thanksgiving: Didn?t celebrate this year.. was in Detroit

-[ the last ]-
thing you ate: Shreddies
thing you drank: Water
thing you wore: I am in pants
place you went: Mall
thing you got pierced/tattooed: pierced, my tongue
Tattooed: me backside
person you saw: in my house my brother, outside of my house, my neighbor and her lil adorable daughter.
person you kissed: Brad
person you talked to: talking to Brad right now
song you heard: Grow Old With You - Adam Sandler [aw breaks my heart]

-[ yes or no ]-
are you a vegetarian: Y-E-S!
do you like cows: moooo! <3
are you a bitch: I can be
are you artistic: I?d like to think so
are you a fast runner: I?m okie
can you ski: yea
are you british: haha no
do you want to spear britney: don't care enough about her to even worry about her.
did you ever give barbie a haircut: AHAHA all the time!!! I really did.
would you eat mac & cheese with hot dogs in it: no dead animals please
do you think disney creators were on acid when they made alice in wonderland: no, people have vivid imaginations..
are you straight: as in sexual oprientation, lifestyle wise?... be more specific.
are you fat: no
are you skinny: not too skinny
are you short: I like to call it vertically challenged
are you tall: see above
do you own a hot pink shirt: Prolly
how about orange pants: I WISH! Haha how nifty would that be!
are you evil: I?m the devil herself
did you ever know someone who had a mullet: I know a few who have had them
do you like marilyn manson: Yea
did you ever touch someone else's private parts: Hahaha I don?t know why this makes me laugh? hahahaha! ?. yea
hot topic: what about it? stupid question.

-[ random questions ]-
do you admit when you need help with a problem: sometimes...
can people read you like a book: some may think so, but really not at all.
do you talk a lot: depends who I am talking to... I guess
are you afraid of clowns: yea =/
do you like spiders: NOOOOOOO!!!! I?m getting better though!
how about grape kool-aid: I?m allergic jerkass!
can you drive: I am an excellent driver... =D just don?t have my license
are you spoiled: no, I never had the opportunity to be spoiled.
are you anti-social: definitely not
now that this is over, what are you going to do: keep talking to Brad =] and listening to Bouncing Souls

Fri, 17 Oct 2003 04:09:21 GMT

say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no say no !!!!!!!

[Hey poofaces!]

Thu, 16 Oct 2003 21:04:42 GMT

This will be my journal untill the 27th... then it will go back to being me personal journal =]

[tearing me apart]

Sat, 26 Jul 2003 15:28:30 GMT

Always felt I was outside looking in on you.
You were always the mysterious one.
With dark eyes and careless hair,
You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care.
Well in case you failed to notice,
In case you failed to see,
This is my heart bleeding before you,
This is me down on my knees.
Excuse me, think I've mistaken you for somebody else
Somebody who gave a damn,
~~Somebody more like myself.~~

[the painful realization that has all gone wrong]

Thu, 19 Jun 2003 03:06:15 GMT

My room has turned into a coffin, I'm buried alive.
I'll die in here just to be safe.
Could I sum up what I'm feeling?
...Lets try...

I'm always assuming the worst,
but you're going on none the less
and there's nothing to cusion your heart led fall.
Letters from further away
keep pulling me close to home.
And there's something to cushion my callous sighs.
And I know that you hope for
longer good-byes
embracing for forever
and falling in your eyes.

Pouring over photographs.
I'm living in your letters.
Breathe deeply from this envelope
it smells like you and I can't be
without that scent. It's filling me
with all you mean to me.

Continually failing these trials
but you stand by me nonetheless
and you won't let me sink
though I'm beggin you.
Phone calls from further away
and messages on here,
but I don't ever tell you this distance
seems terrible.
There is no need to test my heart,
with useless space.
These roads go on forever
and so do you and I.

So I'll hit the pavement
it's gotta be better than waiting
and pushing you far away
cause I'm scared.
So I'll take my chances
and head on my way up there.
Cause turning to you is like falling in love when you're ten.

I'm going to head up back to my coffin...see if I get some more studying done.

Nite

Sat, 14 Jun 2003 18:56:47 GMT

My life has taken a spiral downfall...
Nothing ever seems to get better.
Last night I couldn't sleep.
I cried... I cried for so friggen long.
I realized that I never seem to do anything for myself.
I came to this conclusion because when I wasn't eating before I started again because Ryan got upset and when we would talk I'd promise to eat, and when I saw him I didn't want to be all weak and sick. Now I haven't seen him for a while, hardly talk to him and when I do it's just for a few minutes. I stopped eating again. Not that it's his fault, its just cuz I had no one to get mad at me for it I guess. Back before Mike and I broke up I made him a promise that I'd stop cutting. After he left me I started again cuz I had no one to keep the promise with ... he didn't care... he left.
The point I'm trying to make it I have to start doing things for myself. I need to find myself and see what I really want and where I want to go.
I already feel like I have the next 5 years planned out for me. First I thought it was cool, now I hate it, because it's nothing that I wanted before. I want to move out with my best friend. I don't want to move out with a significant other because I'll feel like I'm already married. I have the rest of my life to spend with that person but right now I'm so young and I need to live like the teenager I am. I don't want to cut grass over the summer. I want to get a job at a summer camp working with kids. Or somewhere related to art that I could use in my portfolio. I want to go to OCAD. I want to be happy doing the one thing that makes me whole.... art...
I want to travel. I want to spend time with family in Italy. I want to go back to England and see my friends. I want to go on no destination road trips with my friends. I want to live for me ... not anyone else. Cuz that's all I've been doing. Living because others want me alive...not because I want to be alive.
I just really needed to get that off my chest.

[You taught me how to breathe, and still you take my breath away]

Wed, 07 May 2003 19:50:50 GMT

Ryan, I love you. Thank you for always being there. For being the greatest boyfriend yet also my best friend. You make the days eaiser to get through...
You taught me to not take life and myself too seriously, and it's help in so many ways. I just wanted to let you know that.

So Mommy's day is comming up and I'm off on a mission to find my mother a gift she won't end up hating.[which isn't easy] There's a few other things I have to get as well. Today Abeed put a whole pack of pencil crayons in my hair and made it look like a peice of artwork =P It was fun... then James and Goataum made this water bottle expold. It was muchos fun. Weird thing about lunch was this guy came and sat with me and started talking, I figured he knew Hilda or Monka, but when he left they were both like "who is that guy?!" I just shurged. noooooo clue!
Last period was TWO friggen hours long. I just drew the whole time. The teacher put some crappy hip hop music on and said next time I get to bring MY music in. This should be very interesting to say the least. Either going to freak them out with Moly Peaches and such OR Nevermore, Opeth, Poison The Well, Eighteen Visions, etc...
Can't wait!!! =D

Other weird stuff that's happend this past week was Josh msging me. I thought it had to do with when Ryan was over talking to him, but apparently not. He as asking me to go over for din din and then go shopping for his mommy's day gift for his mom, since I did a good job picking them out those other two times. I remember her loving the thing I chose out for him to get both the times, and of course he took all the credit. Fucker. =P Then he's all on about my hair and how much he loves my long hair and how Jen always cuts hers. Then when I showed him a picture of this skirt I want MUCHOS MUCOS bad he was all like "Whoa! I could so see you wearing that! And if you get it you must let me take you out wearing it and show you off!"
I told him I wasn't his to show off, and never would be.
Then I was telling him what I've been making for Ryan and I think he got the hint to stop being a prick and back the fuck off.
Argh, enough time wasted talking about him

OKies, Moka's here Weeee!
byeee...

[Enjoy The Silence]

Mon, 05 May 2003 20:14:30 GMT

Haha... that quiz result made me laugh.
Just listening to a Cure cover done by a group called Failure. Not bad, not bad.
I have some stuff to get at the mall. I have to make a list or I'll just end up forgetting...
A Journal
A new nose stud
Feck! See! I already forgot what I needed to get!
>=/ Maria's not a happy camper.

This picture reminds me of Ryan and I. *Sigh* I hope his first day was good.
Hahahaaha!!!!!!!!! I can't stop laughing. I don't see how anyone can take the lead singer's voice from Rammstein seriously. Makes me laugh as soon as I hear it. I can see Ryan and Greg making fun out of this song. Hahaha... o gez! This guy's voice! [Ryan, get the song "Stripped" by Rammstein]

I think I'm going to start writing in here more often rather then my other journal, because I always feel like I have to write something great for others to respond to, or they get mad cuz your life isn't exciting enough to read about. So screw that!

Yea yesterday I had somewhat of a breakdown and left. Went to my Grantparents and Aunt's house. They always make me feel so much better. I love them so damn much.
Went out for lunch today with Caroline, Erica, and Hilda =] It was fun and yummie.
For second period we planted flowers outside in the front of the school. I was so cold. I would have brought a jacket but Monka told me it was going up past 15 today. THANKS MON!
So the teacher was like "Maria go inside." I planted for a bit more then went in. Then I heard her saying "Aww look at Maria poor thing" Comes in and says "here take this money and buy yourself some hot chocolate" I wouldn't take the money and told her I had some of my own. Went to the caff, got me some hashbrowns and sat with Derek and listened to some From Autumn To Ashes while everyone else at the table was playing poker. Pretty much sat there for the rest of me Bio class.

Kay I'm bored with my stupid story already. So....ummm...I'm gonna go...yea that's it....okay...
Bye

[Gone]

Sun, 04 May 2003 21:50:21 GMT

I'm going fucking insane.
If she calls my name one more fucking time I'm going to fucking flip.
ARGH
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH
I'm stressed out of my mind and on the verge of a break-down.
Fuck this shit I'm leaving, and I'm leaving now.
Ryan if you read this I'll prolly be at my granparents or something.
Call my cell.
I can't stay here.
Not with them.
Not anymore.

[The world's gone blind where I stand]

Sun, 27 Apr 2003 04:14:40 GMT

First I whimper
then I cry
Red down my fingers
Death of a Spirit
Here I lie